When Everything Shatters
by DanceInLightening
Summary: Italy had so many questions. Why was this happening? Why were they all dying? Why were his eyes always filled with tears? Where had his smile gone? HetaOni Universe


A/N: Oh God Hetaoni…. I will be damned if it doesn't make me cry buckets. So I made this to get out some of the angst…. I think I kind of made it worse.

Disclaimer: I do not own HetaOni or Hetalia.

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(First Loop)

Italy was at a complete loss at what to do, and how to feel.

He had so many questions.

Why was this happening?

Why were they all dying?

Why were his eyes always filled with tears?

Where had his smile gone?

He remembers there was a sharp pain like a knife in his heart every time someone died on that first loop. When Japan died it was as if someone had started to carve out his heart. When China, France and Russia followed it was as if the person holding the knife had begun to twist it, if only to see how much he could take. When Canada, England and America followed his world started to crack and splinter.

When Prussia and Germany died his world shattered.

And they say once something has been shattered no matter how hard one tries they can never put it back together the way that it was before.

But Italy tried.

He did what he thought was necessary and promised his own life in exchange for his friends. If the monster could catch him that is.

And thus it truly began.

This eternal struggle.

(Loop Two)

He tried to warn them, he really did, but they would not listen to a single thing he was saying. Why wouldn't they just listen to him! He could help get them all out alive, he knew it.

If only they would have faith in him.

But who would have faith in a man who only ran away from battle and never stood his ground?

And thus they started to die again.

One after the other they all seemed to fall, though not as many this time as the last.

But he couldn't be happy with that.

How could he be expected to leave anyone behind?

No he had to get out of there with everyone.

Next time, he told himself. Next time everyone will get out.

(Loop Five)

Oh God, not again.

Hadn't he told them to stay out of that room?

Hadn't he pleaded with them not to go anywhere alone?

Of course they all thought it was just him being paranoid after seeing the monster for what they thought was the first time.

But he had lived this before.

He had watched them die before.

Is it too much to ask for them to listen to him?

But he knew for them to trust him, they would have to learn the truth and he had sworn to never tell them.

What if they hated him for getting them into this situation?

What if they all turned their backs on him?

That would be worse than having them all die on him, because he could bring them back. He could just reset time and bring them all back.

But he couldn't bring back their trust.

He could not restore their friendship if he shattered it.

So he would just reset time again.

What was one more time if it meant seeing all of his friends smiling up at him?

(Loop Seven)

This time only Prussia died.

They had been so close.

But close wasn't good enough.

Italy prepared to set back time.

(Loop Eight)

Prussia managed to survive this time.

In the end though, they had lost many others in his place.

Russia had died in the Piano room on the first day.

China and Japan had followed the next day in one of the bedrooms on the second floor.

America and England were the last to go, just earlier that day, in the third floor library.

They had managed to slip through his hands again.

Just try again, Italy told himself.

One day this all has to end.

It just has too.

(Loop eleven)

England died.

It was on the first day, they had barely been in the mansion for an hour when Italy found his body.

What worried him though was the fact that England had been lost so early on.

It was getting faster at picking them off.

In the end only England ended up dead, but one nation dead is still one to many.

Italy spun the clock.

(Loop fourteen)

Italy was starting to get desperate. Not really desperate, just slightly so.

He was more adamant than ever that everyone stay together and that no one, under any circumstances, should ever be alone.

He knew that they could, and would die, if they went off alone.

And yet they still did.

Why did America have to be the hero?

Why could he not have stayed in the room?

Because of his need to be the hero, even while injured, they lost not only him but China and Canada as well.

Dear God, Italy prayed, let this loop be the last that anyone died.

(Loop twenty)

It had all started out so well.

They were all still alive when they made it to the room with the clock.

They were finally going to make it out alive.

They just had to get the key and run.

But then China's wounds from earlier had re-opened.

Italy and everyone else tried their best but the wounds kept bleeding.

And they learned that they had never stopped in the first place.

That China had been bleeding slowly for two day and he had never told them. He had hidden it with layer after layer of bandages and strips of cloth.

But he couldn't hold out any longer.

China died in that horrible room with the clock.

And that's when Italy started to wonder…

Would they ever get out?

(Loop twenty-two)

Italy was finding it harder and harder to keep up the façade.

Sometimes he would slip and yell at someone.

Like he had yelled at Prussia last night when he wanted to go and search for France and England alone.

No one could go anywhere alone!

At first Prussia had looked at him like Italy had slapped him.

But then he just smiled and said how all of this must be getting to Italy.

He had no idea.

And when they found England and France dead in the kitchen the next morning Italy knew he had done the right thing in keeping Prussia in the room the previous night.

Yet it didn't ease the hurt of knowing that he would now have to reset this time loop too, and next time Prussia may not be as lucky.

(Loop Twenty-eight)

He was all alone again.

This was the fourth time that only he had survived.

No many how many times he reset it all, the times when he had to do it alone were the worst.

It meant that he had failed EVERYONE.

It meant that he was as much of a failure as he was at the beginning.

Just as useless.

He couldn't afford to be useless anymore.

Not with his friends on the line.

Italy set out to find the clock.

(Loop thirty-seven)

Slowly but surely Italy was beginning to accept this fate.

This fate of constantly resetting time.

He hated it, yes.

But he had his memories of before.

Of a time when he laughed on sunny hills, and trained with Germany.

When he made pasta with Romano, and showed Japan his country.

He could remember his childhood. His time with Austria, Hungary and Holy Rome.

And he still had hope.

Hope of a life after this place, and beyond these walls.

This hope may be small and dwindling, but it was all he had left.

And he latched on to that hope and those memories with all of his might.

(Loop fourty-three)

Italy smiled as he finished putting the finishing touches on his letter.

He hoped his future self would read it and feel comforted.

He hoped that he would find it the very next loop and he would no longer have to feel that horrible burden anymore.

It was such a blessing to know that his friends would not leave him, even if they knew the truth.

Italy looked up at England as he handed him the letter. The other nation only asked him if he was sure if he wanted to do this.

Italy just smiled and said that this time he would avenge Germany and all the others. All England had to do is reset time when he saw Italy fall.

And England finally asked why in the world Italy wanted to die when they could just go back in time now.

Italy just replied that it was like he said earlier; he wanted to avenge Germany and the others. And, he added, you guys have already died so many times for me. It is time I died protecting one of you.

England just smiled fondly at him and said he always did have too big of a heart.

The box was then sealed.

(Loop forty-four)

Italy and Germany were the only two left standing.

And even then Germany could not stand on his own.

Seeing Germany this broken was always hard for Italy.

He hurried to find the clock and to reset time.

The box and the letter forgotten.

(Loop Fifty-two)

China, Russia and Germany died.

America is paralyzed from the legs down.

Just like loop Eighteen, thinks Italy.

(Loop sixty-four)

Canada and Japan died.

It was time to start over.

(Loop eighty-nine)

How many times had he gone through this?

How many times has he had to watch his friends die in front of his eyes?

How long has it been since he had seen anyone other than the people in the mansion with him?

What did Hungary's laugh sound like again?

What was the color of Romano's eyes?

Were they brown or green?

What was Austria's favorite piece of music?

Was it a ballad?

Italy couldn't remember, and when he did it took him a moment. He really had to think about answers that used to be second nature to him.

And that scared him.

What if all he could remember was life in this mansion?

(Loop Ninety-six)

Italy didn't know how much more could take.

They just kept dying.

They just kept leaving him.

They kept breaking their promises to stay with him.

He was tired of their lies.

But he couldn't stop trying to save them.

They were still his friends.

His precious people.

The reason why he had agreed to this in the first place.

He would leave with them all soon he was sure.

The end was coming, and that monster had better be prepared.

For hell hath no fury like a nation scorned.

Especially one that has been scorned as many times as he has.

(Loop one-hundred and eleven)

That letter.

He could not remember writing it.

He could not remember where he wrote it or the circumstances that led up to it.

He did know what it meant though.

It meant hope.

It meant that he was not alone.

It meant that this wasn't all in vain.

That his friends still believed in him.

Italy took his eyes off of the letter and looked up.

They were all there.

They were all smiling.

And for the first time in what seemed like forever, Italy really and truly believed they would all make it.

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A/N: So what do you think? Good or Bad?

Just leave me a little comment so I can try to improve.

DanceInLightening, over and out.


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